January one. Where did my year just go? I mean, seriously, I have no idea how I am yet again staring at January one. But here I am and I smile. Life is like that. You know, I run, run, run all the time just trying to get through each day. There are so many things to do. Always. All of great importance, but now as I reflect. What was so important?
I should have stopped more. But how?
I see my girls growing, running, laughing. Oh how my middle daughter laughs. She belly laughs. She laughs with this joy that no matter what is going on, I smile. She has big dreams….mostly that just consists of having babies, but she laughs when she talks about it. She laughs from within. She is seven, her dream is that of being a mama. Pure joy! My oldest daughter, well she dreams of horses. Big and tall, cantering and jumping, wild and free. Well maybe not that part, she is too reserved for danger. She is not like her little sister. She dreams big, but real. She is ten, but her soul is thirty. I am thankful.
My son is four. He pulls my heart. There is something about a boy. A boy and his mama. Will he always love me this way? I look at him everyday and the way he looks at me, loves me. Blindly. I hope one day I will see him love a woman the way his daddy loves me. Because right now his big dreams only consist of Star Wars and nerf guns. Be a boy and just keep shooting your sisters….they’ll miss it one day. Probably not.
I dream big. We all do I suppose. But when you become an adult, dreams become real. They are no longer fairytales that we dream of like our children, they are our passions. What we were made for. What we feel we were put here to do. But do our dreams line up with our purpose?
Has He ever told you no?
Sometimes our dreams are not His. I have been down that road many times. Early this past year was a huge one for me. Something I have always loved was not allowed to become what I wanted it to. I tried with everything in me to make it work the way I thought it should go. With all my power. I pulled every string I knew to pull. But He still told me no. “God, why? I know this is what I am supposed to be doing, why does every turn keep ending dead? I know this is what you have planned for me. Look how far I have come!” A few more weeks go by and again, another wall. On my knees…”Come on God, I know this is what you want for me. Why aren’t things falling into place? Why?” Months go by and my answer is still NO.
Tears. Pray. Disappointment. Pray. Praying. Peace.
You see, peace comes with knowing God works things for His good. Not what I think is His good. Not what I have planned. My dreams have to become His dreams. I am here for one purpose- God’s purpose. He made me, He gifted me, to serve Him and His kingdom.
God tells you no, me no, for our good. Sometimes it takes months, years even to understand. Sometimes we never do.
But then, sometimes, dreams do comes true. They show up in different packages. You see things through Gods perspective, through His purpose and you know. You just know. God leads the way, His way. Always. And when it happens, you smile. Because you know why the other dreams kept deadending. He has to end My things in order to open His things. If everything happened they way we wanted we would never be who we are meant to be.
He knows the plans He has for us….for hope and a future. He believes we can accomplish those plans. I can. You can.
So- let’s stop comparing ourselves to others and the way their lives are going. This one life I have been given is for Me to live. Truly live! I have things I need to accomplish for Gods kingdom. He is waiting. So for me….I will trust Him and His ways! I was told no last year and six months later I was handed His agenda. And now, looking back, I am thankful for my no.
What about you? Are you thankful for your no?
So this year I will spend more time laughing with my kids, kissing my man, worshiping my God, and chasing fireflies.